Humpty Dumpty and the Welsh Guards: 1980

 Humpty Dumpty and the Welsh Guards: 1980

Humpty Dumpty, a man of considerable girth and an egg-shaped head, always felt a pull toward something greater than merely sitting on walls. He yearned for purpose, for discipline, for a uniform that would make him feel… less fragile. The year was 1980, and the news was buzzing with the latest on the Falklands. A spark ignited within Humpty – the Welsh Guards. They were, after all, part of the elite Household Division, and their reputation for courage and steadfastness was legendary.

He ambled into the recruiting office, a rather grand building in Whitehall, his spectacles perched precariously on his nose. The sergeant behind the desk, a burly man with a walrus moustache, eyed Humpty's unusual physique with a mixture of amusement and bewilderment.

"Name, son?" the sergeant grunted.
"Humpty Dumpty, sir!" Humpty declared, puffing out his chest, which, given his shape, made him look even more spherical.
The sergeant raised an eyebrow. "And what makes you think you're cut out for the Welsh Guards, Mr. Dumpty?"

"Sir," Humpty began, adjusting his tie, "I possess a keen eye for observation. I am an excellent sitter. And I believe my unique build would make me… well, difficult to knock down." He conveniently omitted the part about his last fall.

The sergeant suppressed a chuckle. "Right then, Mr. Dumpty. Let's see about that."
Humpty, to everyone's surprise, passed the initial physical. His core strength from years of balancing on walls was surprisingly robust. He could hold a plank longer than some of the younger recruits, albeit a rather wobbly one. The drill instructors, initially baffled by his gait, found his determination infectious. He wasn't fast, but he was incredibly persistent. During drills, he'd often be the last one to finish, but he'd always finish, a determined glint in his eye.

His uniform, custom-tailored, was a marvel of sartorial engineering, designed to accommodate his unique form while still maintaining the crisp, ceremonial lines of the Welsh Guards. He wore his bearskin hat with immense pride, even if it did make him look like an even larger, furry egg.

Humpty never saw active combat in the Falklands, as his deployment came slightly later, but he served with distinction during his time with the Welsh Guards. He became a fixture during ceremonial duties, a surprisingly stoic and impressive presence outside Buckingham Palace. Tourists would often point and whisper, "Look, it's Humpty Dumpty!" and he'd stand even taller, a subtle, proud smile playing on his lips. He may have been an egg, but he was their egg, a Welsh Guard through and through.

Would you like to hear about another character joining a different regiment or perhaps about Humpty's life after the Welsh Guards?