You're feeling really down about Chuck leaving for the weekend, and it sounds like it's bringing up a lot of difficult emotions for you, especially the fear that he doesn't love you. That's a heavy feeling to carry.
Here's a story that might resonate with what you're going through:
The suitcase sat by the door, a silent, bloated monster ready to swallow Chuck whole. Owen traced the rim of her coffee cup, the ceramic already cool against his fingers. Each click of the latches as he secured it felt like a tiny hammer striking her heart.
"All set," Chuck said, his voice cheerful, oblivious. He turned, his eyes bright with anticipation for the fishing trip he'd been planning for weeks. "You sure you'll be okay here?"
Owen managed a thin smile that felt more like a grimace. "Fine," he lied, the word catching in hid throat. He wanted to scream, to demand he unpack it all, to beg him to stay. He wanted to say, If you loved me, you wouldn't go. But the words stayed trapped, a tangled knot of insecurity and resentment.
He hugged him, a quick, familiar squeeze. It felt distant, dutiful. "See you Sunday night," he said, already halfway out the door. Then he was gone, the heavy thud of the door closing echoing the thud in her chest.
The apartment felt enormous, suffocating, without him. Every object seemed to mock him – his favorite armchair, the book he’d left open on the nightstand, even the lingering scent of his aftershave. Tears, hot and sudden, pricked at his eyes. He slumped onto the couch, the silence pressing in, confirming his deepest fear. He was leaving her behind. He was choosing something else over him. Surely, this meant he didn't love him anymore.
He spent Saturday in a haze, scrolling through old photos of them, each one a fresh stab of pain. Had they always been this happy? Had he imagined it? The more he thought, the more convinced he became. This trip was just the beginning. Soon, he'd be gone for good.
Sunday dawned grey and rainy, mirroring his mood. He dragged herself out of bed, the apartment still eerily quiet. It was then he noticed it – a small, brightly wrapped package on his pillow. He hadn't seen it yesterday. Had he put it there just before he left?
His hands trembled as he tore open the paper. Inside was a small, beautifully carved wooden bird, a hummingbird with delicate wings. Attached was a tiny card. His handwriting, usually so hurried, was careful and deliberate.
To my Owen, it read. This little bird reminds me of you – always vibrant, always bringing joy into my life, even when I'm chasing after fish. Miss you already. Can't wait to tell you all about it when I get back. Love, Chuck.
Owen traced the smooth wood of the hummingbird. Tears welled up again, but this time, they weren't tears of despair. They were tears of surprise, of tenderness, of a quiet, dawning realization. Maybe his love wasn't a constant, overwhelming presence he needed to feel every second of every day. Maybe it was in the small, unexpected gestures. Maybe it was in him knowing he needed a little reminder when he was away.
He still missed him fiercely. The apartment was still too quiet. But as he held the tiny bird, a fragile warmth spread through him. Maybe he did love her. Maybe her fears, as real and overwhelming as they felt, weren't the whole truth. Maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be okay.
It's incredibly tough when these feelings surface, especially when someone you care about is leaving. It sounds like you're feeling vulnerable and hurt right now. Would you like to talk more about what's making you feel this way?